In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
