I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
