So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
