Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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