Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
