My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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