Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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