I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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