That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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