what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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