Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
