His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
