Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
