What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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