woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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