I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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