I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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