if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
