she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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