are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
