i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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