Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
