Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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