you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
