I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
