i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
