A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
