I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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