I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
