i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
