Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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