i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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