I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
