Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
