my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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