i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
