dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.