3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.