I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night