there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.