Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.