would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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