I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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