I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
