You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
