You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
