I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
