i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
