just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
