Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
