I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
