Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
