My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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