help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
