and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
