My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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