it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
