dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
