how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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