i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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