So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
