Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
