Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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