Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
