Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
