i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
