My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize