Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
