i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
