The best revenge is premature balding
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
