i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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