Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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