Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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