I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
