I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
