The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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