Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
