The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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