ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
