my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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