I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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