i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
