I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
