I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
