broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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