my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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