He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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