cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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