I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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