I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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