thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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