I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
where does the pee come out of this thing
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
