My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
