Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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