pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
