Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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